Thank goodness it’s Taurus season, the part of the astrological year where our plans and dreams actually seem possible, and not horrible Sisyphean quests we’ve inflicted upon ourselves for mysterious reasons.

Somehow simultaneously languid and productive, Taurus season is the time to plant seeds, even as previously planted ones begin to bear fruit. There’s something slow and grounding about this period that prevents things feeling overwhelming. If only Venus could also solve our frizzy hair issues, this month would be perfect.

In Zodiac news, we had a great time answering the 11am Saturday Film Questionnaire, a cool Substack that quizzes cool people about their film-watching habits, likes and dislikes. Give it a read if you want to know our preferred movie snacks, the film we walked out of, and our very good suggestions for Tom Cruise’s future career.

In Friends of Zodiac news, our mates T A P E Collective just launched Snapshot, a programme of features and short films which capture and celebrate the multi-faceted experiences of Black Girlhood. They’re starting with screenings of a lost treasure of 1990s DIY filmmaking, Cauleen Smith’s Drylongso, in multiple cities. Looks fab.

xoxo Zodiac

Lately we’ve been watching…

Challengers - Silliest film of the year (complimentary).

Baby Reindeer - Wanted to be contrary and find fault with this because everyone else loved it so much, but couldn’t (pout, footstomp, shakes little fists).

One, Two, Three - James Cagney’s frustrated Coca-Cola executive has to strong-arm a hunky Soviet radical into the perfect son-in-law for his boss’s ditsy daughter via jingoistic cuckoo clocks and a total makeover (under duress, of course). With zingers flying so fast even the Gilmore Girls wouldn’t be able to keep up, it’s cinematic caffeine.

Sweet Charity - Came for the ‘Hey, Big Spender’ Bob Fosse dance number, stayed for the rest of the dance numbers, which it turns out are even bigger spenders!

We love it when you comment or dm and tell us what you’re watching, or that you heartily disagree with us. xoxo

Betty/Baldwin:

Betty: Cream soda, Duralex water glasses, returning online orders on time, darning, Kate Bush’s Hounds of Love album, having the house to yourself, the two weeks a year we can wear that impractical coat, Showcase cinemas just off dual carriageways.

Baldwin: Humidity, learning to drive (how does anyone do this without the person in the other seat covering the pedals in case of emergency?), expensive hair products that don’t work, teeth grinding.

Films for Taurus Season ♉️

Gentle but stubborn, like a pug dog that flops onto its back and has to be dragged by its lead for the rest of the walk. Earthy but sensual, like a roll in the hay loft with a hot farmer. Extravagant but hard-working, like a really good quality duvet. It’s the Taurean paradoxes that make them one of our fave signs (they are also the sister sign of us Zodiac Scorpios which helps).

Your Taurus friends aren’t afraid to labour diligently in the service of their end goals, which, generally, are beauty and material pleasures. In homage to their willingness to get their French manicures dirty, this month’s films are all about gardens.

Taurus babes include: Shirley MacLaine, Rosario Dawson, Cate Blanchett, Penelope Cruz, Katharine Hepburn, Shirley Temple, and Bettie Page.

Gardens of the World with Audrey Hepburn

It’s entirely fitting that Taurus babe Audrey Hepburn presented this 1990s series, given her sign’s natural alignment with the earth and the cultivation of beauty. Gardens of the World makes for the optimum languid Taurus-season viewing experience, featuring not only Hepburn and her chic garden-visiting ensembles, but also the dulcet tones of British actor Michael York (of Cabaret, and, er… Austin Powers fame) as a guest narrator. Hepburn died the day before the first episode aired, and causing (glowing) reviews of the show to print on the same day as her obituary.

Twice-Told Tales: Rappaccini’s Daughter (1963)

We're not sure what exactly was happening in the early 60s to provoke such a trend for Gothic short story adaptations, but we're glad it happened. Twice-Told Tales was obviously made to capitalise on the popularity of the Roger Corman1 ‘Poe’ cycle, using the work of lesser-known Gothic author Nathaniel Hawthorne. It's not an amazing film overall, but our imaginations were captured by the extremely Freudian second story in this horror anthology, which has echoes of The Skin I Live In and Eyes Without a Face. In Rappaccini's Daughter, a young woman is imprisoned in a garden by her scientist father, who treats her with a plant extract that makes her poisonous to the touch. Aesthetically on par with the OG series of Star Trek (period production design meets beehives and bosoms, props made out of rubber), we can't help but feel that a remake of this story would be a set/costume designer's dream.

The Draughtsman’s Contract (1982)

This anachronistic exaggeration of the late 17th century is as beautiful as it is sordid (very Zodiac). A spurned wife enlists an arrogant celebrity artist to draw her English country estate, as a ploy to impress her errant husband. The artist’s one demand? She must satiate his sexual appetite. Manicured lawns, topiary avenues and wildflower meadows set the stage for a variety of reluctant, sulky sex scenes, as well as the development of clues to what might be a murder mystery. Top tip: listen to the soundtrack while chasing overdue invoices – it’ll help you get into that exceedingly polite yet still deeply intimidating tone of voice required.

My Neighbour Totoro (1988)

Despite the previous two films doing their level best to make gardens threatening, gardens can actually be lovely and enchanting, to which Monty Don, Charlie Dimmock, and Alan Titchmarsh will undoubtedly attest. In this beloved animé classic, Satsuki and Mei (Dakota and Elle Fanning in the English version, although we’d say ‘Japanese dub!’ all the way) are only small when they move to the countryside with their father, while their mother convalesces in a sanatorium. They tumble about in their overgrown garden almost entirely unsupervised, leaping over stepping stones, marvelling at rotting wood. When Mei scrambles through a tunnel and meets a forest spirit, the two girls are whisked on a series of adventures, the kind you can only have when your mind is all imagination, no administration.

Honourable Mentions: The Secret Garden (1993) [Already mentioned in our Virgo 2022 newsletter), The Secret Garden (1949), Take Joy! The Magical World of Tasha Tudor (1996), The Chalk Garden (1964)

Tip Jar 🫙

Recommended Reading, Watching, Listening 📚

The Pepsi-Cola Addict by June-Alison Gibbons

June and Jennifer Gibbons, a.k.a. ‘The Silent Twins’, have long been a Zodiac fascination. Before their stint in Broadmoor, the pair would write novels and plays together in their bedroom – The Pepsi-Cola Addict was written and submitted to a vanity publisher by June, aged just 16. The novel is a slice of unfiltered teenage psychology: simultaneously precocious and juvenile, horny and dissociative. In it, a disaffected American boy navigates sexual encounters as he develops a branded fizzy drink addiction - if there is a more apt manifestation of what it’s like when your hormones are high but your life experience is low, we’d like to see it.

A Reading List About Lists

Be still our Virgo placements.

Challengers Soundtrack

Knocking The Idol soundtrack off the top spot of silly, sexy summer sounds.

Off-screen Gossip 🍸

Oh my God, the dream film project just got announced. Olivia Wilde (of Don’t Worry Darling drama and many bisexual awakenings by way of The OC) starring in what sounds like an erotic thriller directed by New Queer Cinema veteran Gregg Araki and written by Karley Sciortino (aka Slutever).