Every year the Taurus newsletter comes in just under the wire, and this is because we take the Taurus values of rest and recreation very seriously. Much like our inspiration for this season’s double feature, we’ve mainly been sitting in a field, silently chewing.

We love you, Taurus friends, with your docile but stubborn ways and your nice, long eyelashes. Just like your Heifer-esque symbol, you remind us that earthly delights are a right, not a privilege. Whether it's stopping for a feast in the face of an oncoming storm, or baking biscuits in a brutal, unforgiving world, our duo of cow-adjacent films pays homage to the Taurean ideal of comfort as quiet defiance.

First Cow (2019)

Traditionally we're not big fans of slow cinema – our Scorpio brains tend to long for psychosexual tension. But out of respect for slow and steady Taurus season, we trapped ourselves under weighted blankets and settled down to watch First Cow. And we're glad we did. Kelly Reichardt is like regular exercise: as good and worthwhile as everyone says. How annoying.

This tender film tells the story of a chef scraping a living in pioneer-era Oregon who dreams of opening his very own bakery (same here tbh). Sadly without money or resources, it’s just a pipe dream (ouch, also same). He meets a Chinese outlaw immigrant who too is in search of a way to make ends meet, and together, the friends cook up a scheme to secretly milk the only cow in the territory, owned by a wealthy English colonial, to use her dairy delights for a delicious baked goods business. It is very Taurus-coded to risk it all for a cake.

Twister (1996)

A divorcing couple and a rag-tag team of meteorologists team up to develop a tornado warning system in this, our FAVOURITE FILM OF ALL TIME. And there’s also a cow, or possibly two.

Ok, we’ll level with you, we just wanted to write about Twister this month. But, actually, on rewatch, it does feature a lot of Taurean themes. Like the bit where the tornado chasers chant “Food! Food! Food!” until Helen Hunt takes them all for steak (another cow!). It’s also completely about sex, which is right at the top of Taurus’s material-pleasure pyramid. It’s the only disaster movie where the protagonists are erotically drawn to the disaster, especially our central couple, who end the movie penetrating the tornado’s mile-wide vortex in a sort of meteorological gang bang. It’s the movie that dares ask the question, “Are tornados sexy, actually?”1

Reading: Bonjour Tristesse, for something we are planning this summer… cross your fingers for us!

Watching: Glamorous Primrose Barkwill, Girl Thatcher (1962).

Listening: Danny Dyer’s Desert Island Discs. Wait. That sounds amazing. He should be the next host.

Free TV Show Idea

“My Ex Used to be Normal”. Each week a guest comes on to tell the story of how they got together with their, now famously embarrassing, ex – charting the path from romance to full-blown lunacy with the help of a Scotland Yard detective, a psychologist, and Davina McCall. Proposed guests include Billie Piper and Talulah Riley. At the end Davina McCall has the ex sectioned.